Big HEART, Enormous SPIRIT

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Barbara,

I just heard the news about 2 hours and 53 minutes ago. Still processing it all..... but I wanted to send you a HUGE HUG from the whole Judge family. I've never known a woman as rock steady as you -- you've been a fabulous role model to all of us girls. Fight hard; Get well! We send you our love and good thoughts. And yes, we will all go get the C-125, or whatever it is, test.
More to come, Love, Millie, Tim, Elizabeth and Joseph

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Post Op / Going Home 7/30/08

Another milepost: Two weeks today after the surgery and Bonnie and I are packing the car for our road trip to Elmo. We've had a very restful and peaceful recovery time at Stacey and Dennis's home in Seattle, but somehow, heading for Montana is an idea whose time has come. Wheee.
As the girls wrote earlier, the surgery went well. The appointment with Dr.Goff on Monday confirms all the good news. I'm a remarkable recoverer. She removed the 34 staples from by belly and said things were looking good. She also insisted on keeping us in reality about ovarian cancer and how, even though the surgery was successful, it's nothing to be fooled with and she had big plans for more and bigger chemotherapy. I asked her if she would fire me if I wouldn't sign on for any more chemo. (No) And I asked for some time to think about it. I know that she's not God, Jimmie Mackimmie's not God, nor am I. So I slept on it hoping for a message from within. Which I got within 24 hours. I had another chemo infusion yesterday, and I'm good to go for another three weeks.
Bonnie's doing the heavy lifting and all I have to do is write this note and get in the car.
Last but not least: Thank you for all your prayers, well wishing, cards, emails, flowers, and calls. These things have been an incredibly big part of the success of the procedures that are getting me well. Well enough, I might add, that I'm kicking into travel mode (with doctor's approval) and carrying out my plan to travel to Washington D.C. September 4 with friend Nadine. We're going to the AARP Convention to hear Paul Simon, Chicago, Maya Angelou, and the list goes on and on. After that there may be a cruise up the Inside Passage (Alaska) with the kids and grandkids. I can be fatigued on a boat as easily as at home. no?
Oh, and one more thing: I've been reporting the numbers as they decline on the CA-125 Blood Test....the one that measures the cancer cells per unit of blood in my body. They have gone from the highest of 3,400 something and now down to 60. Six-Oh. So. It's more than just feel good and scar tissue healing on the outside. These numbers are science!!
I love and appreciate you all so much.
Barbara

OH HAPPY DAY! - 7/14/08

Dearest Loved Ones:
Today we visited Seattle Cancer Care Alliance and learned that Mom's cancer has made an astonishing retreat. Her tumors have shrunken to a much smaller size and her CA-125 blood test is now 309!! Dr. Goff will perform surgery at 10a.m. tomorrow (Tuesday) and remove a bunch of unnecessary girl organs to get rid of almost all of the tumors. The tumor on the spleen went from the size of a golf ball to a dime and Dr. Goff says she is happy to leave the small spot intact with the spleen unless there is an unforeseen problem during surgery, in which case she will take the little bugger out too. Mom's liver looks remarkably good, almost perfect and it will need no resectioning (carving). Overall, she is a miracle of complementary efforts including the marvelous Jimmy McKimmy, eating strictly organic, radon mines, chemotherapy, and LOVE AND PRAYER. Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. We will keep you posted on Mom's miraculous recovery after surgery. She will be in the hospital for a few days. Feel free to send mail to Elmo and she will return to read it as soon as possible.
Stacey, Bonnie, and Barbara

6/30/08 - Hello from Elmo!

Cancer, what cancer?
You may have read in the Polson Daily that Ms. Babs Bennetts now has a CA-125 (that would be your tumor marker) of . . . . wait for it . . . (that's how they say in Cali) . . . 715. Yes, 700! She started at 2600, went to 3400, and is now sitting pretty at 715! But, apparently the docs still want to take a looksee at the innards, and we Bennetts girls always say "hey, will I lose weight? okay, go ahead. and do the tummy tuck thingy on the way out for free okay?"
So that is to say that surgery will be at the University of Washington Medical Center on July 15th. Prior to that is the CT scan on July 10th and a sit-down with the renowned doc Goff July 14th. Instead of flowers (which apparently can bring germs into the hospitals on the petals) Ms. Bennetts prefers cash money!
Mom and her entourage have been very busy wrapping scarves in 101 different hip and sassy styles, and thus unable to update this Blog deal on a regular basis. But we will continue to do our best, especially as we return to Seattle for additional medical intervention. The foregoing dribble has been brought to you by Stacey. The upcoming drivel will be brought to you by Bonnie.

Hello! Everyone is playing in the lake now after a brisk round of baseball.Go team Elmo! Love to everyone, we feel your prayers and appreciate your healing support. More later, I have to help Stacey put her swim cap on!

p.s. MOM (AND HER MINIONS) WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE A FREE PASS ON EXPECTATIONS FOR RETURNED CALLS, RETURNED LETTERS, AND REGULAR UPDATES. ALL ENERGY IS EXPENDED TOWARD ADDITIONAL HEALING WHICH IS GOING SWIMMINGLY. THANK YOU!

Hi dear friends and relatives,
I've just come in from a brisk game of baseball out back with the grand-children and thought I'd check and see what the girls were up to on my computer. Thankfully, they were taking care of my Blog. You already know that I consider myself technologically challenged and without IT support I had given up on even trying to read my emails. Their intervention may mean I'll get to enjoy some old emails that will be new to me, and you might even get a response. I've actually been overwhelmed with answering the phone and treating the cancer too, so I've slacked off on both. No more. I'm so encouraged with the results of my treatment which covers a broad swath--conventional Western medicine chemo to psychic healer and Edgar Casey-type remedies--that I'm really bearing down on the treatment and letting everything else slide. I know you understand. This Blog, however, seems to be the answer.

I spoke with son-in-law, Greg, about the access problem some of you have been having with using the Blog. He said that after a period of time one must sign in again just like the first time.

Into action, an esoteric remedy

May 20
Basin, Montana This cancer recovery business is taking on dimensions of an oddyssey. Particularly as I follow the more esoteric remedies suggested to me. Many of them come from my new health guru, Jimmie MacKimmie. Last Friday I had another appointment with him. He said I was doing very well, worked his energy stuff, touched the cancer places, talked about sometimes inconsequential things, but assured me that I am doing very well, both with the diminishment of cancer cells and with the survival of the chemo therapy. His suggestion this time was for me to come to the Merry Widow Mine in Basin for 11 days to absorb the low level radon gas in the mine for 33 sessions. Because I have another chemo appointment in Seattle a week from today I couldn’t come for the full 11 days, but I’m here, have been since Saturday, and am making the most of the time I’ve got -- 9 days. I can’t find the words to describe this experience in short order, so I’ll have to be satisfied with a brief rundown. The mine is probably an old minerals mine from back at the turn of the century. I imagine the workers came out feeling better than when they went in. Over time people have pondered and studied this phenomenon and came up with a health treatment conclusion. People come here from all over the world. It’s been in ‘continuous operation’ since 1954 according to the brochure, yet nothing modern has been added other than a few nice benches, lights, alcoves with tables and a running stream of mine water. There is a ‘doggie den’ for people to bring their pets in too. Breathing the air for an hour and soaking one’s feet or hands in the mine water is supposed to facilitate restoration of the cells. I have made sufficient inquiries that I am willing to trust this alternative to sitting around simply stewing in chemotherapy in the interim between treatments. I also trust Jimmie’s recommendations. However, I did have to hagle with the chemo nurse and oncology surgeon a bit over this one with Stacey’s oversight. She wants to make sure my willfulness doesn’t kill me! So-- I go there twice a day and soak for 20 minutes and stick around and breathe the air for a total of one hour. People come and go. Mostly older people. I’m one of the young ones. One of the best parts is getting to know these people--maybe a dozen at a time in any one treatment--and hearing their stories. Most of them come back year after year, once or twice a year, for maintenance of their cures from cancer, fibromyalgia, arthritis, certain side effects of Parkinsons, diabetes, and other chronic conditions. Many people are managing pain. Some come for one set of treatments and don’t come back. Often they don’t need to because their pain or condition has been taken care of, but often no one knows whether it worked or not because they’re not back here telling their story.Part of the package is a cool little 2-bedroom apaprtment in the town. The mine is about a mile away up on the side of the mountain. This mine is the heartbeat of the town. I’ve also noticed more old VW busses per capita here than anyplace north of Bisby, Arizona. There’s an ancient miner’s cabin across the street from my fairly new fourplex all cobbled together into a home. Add-ons here, ancient outbuilding there, and a new Native American sweat lodge made out of bent willows and covered in many colorful blankets. This town has all the markings of hippies, both old and new.On Sunday I drove into Helena, less than 30 miles to the North, and found my dear old friend V.J. and had a wonderful time visiting with her. I also went to the Real Food Store to stock up on supplies for my new vegetarian way of eating. Yesterday V.J. came out and spent the afternoon and night with me, and thank God she was here as I had what I was warned might be a bad day at the mine. Day 3 is often uncomfortable, and my day 3 certainly was. This morning it has passed and V.J. thinks it’s ok now for her to go back to Helena. Last night she was looking for a companion for me so I wouldn’t have to do this alone. But, what doing this alone looks like, is going to the mine twice a day and napping a lot between mine visits. I have taken a couple of little walks around town--a river runs through it--but mostly I nap and read. Not what you’d call rigorous or uncomfortable. It was just that ‘Day Three!”V.J. is in the middle of a move and really needs to get going. Since I am using her computer, I need to stop here and help her get out the door. For any readers who might know V.J. She just returned for her winter travels--this year mostly India (Sai Baba’s Ashram) and Goa, and Morocco. Our friendship spans the last 30 years and it’s been a great gift to have her dropping into this experience.Until we meet again.
Love,Barbara
P.S. Chemo in Seattle right after I leave here on the 26th of May.

A. A. (Alternative Action)

Thursday, May 14 2008

A week and 3 days after the first chemotherapy session in Seattle finds me at home in Elmo where my pace has miraculously reduced itself to the pulse of Elmo itself. For anyone unfamiliar with Elmo, it, on the surface appears a bit like 'Nowheresville.' Its perfunctory dot on the Montana State Highway Map between the Yukon and Tierra del Fuego on US Hwy 93, belies the fact that it has one of the lowest per capita incomes in America, and yet, is achingly beautiful, pristine and quiet.

I have a front-row seat. I'm not taking a lot of credit for that, it just turns out that way.

At least 6 years ago I began to plan my patch of this country. Now, with some rests in between, and a few helpful green angels! I have been working at creating a new organic garden space. I drive the 16 miles to Polson or 30 miles to Kalispell a few times a week to find a meeting and some good organic food. I'm determined to not put anything into my body that will feed the greedy bully cancer cells.

Back to the chemo. Its aftermath has been surprisingly easier than I had expected this go-around. There was no nausea or sickness. I took some anti-nausea pills for 3 days and now take one anti-psychotic (Lorizapan----?) which settles an emerging manic phase into a more restful and comfortable 5-hour sleep. Bonnie and I were having a wonderfully animated phone conversation the other evening at the conclusion of which she said: "Mom, I'm concerned about you." After my denial was penetrated a bit we decided I should report myself to the Chemo Nurse. I was hoping my elevated mood was more about me being squeeky clean (3+ weeks off sugar, meat, dairy, chocolate, and refined foods of any kind). But, hey, maybe I'm HIGH!
I've dropped some weight from lack of cookies, ice cream, Greek Yogurt, etc.

There is something in this chemo mix that messes with my mind. Yesterday, after working in the garden for less than an hour, I stood up and was staring into space--I have no idea for how long--when one of my neighbors stopped by to ask me what I was doing. I couldn't come up with an answer. After some thought, I replied, "looking at the air." Pause. "Yep, looking at the air." What I didn't tell him was that I may have been having an out-of-body experience. Having gotten back on my 1 Lorizipan---+ at night, I seem to be remaining where my body is.

I am totally hopeful about the solution we are pursuing for me to become totally cancer free, or at least in remission for some years. I believe it is being done as I write. Not only with chemo and the upcoming surgery (July 15) but the prayers and good thoughts and well wishing from friends and some people I don't even know. I can feel all that lifting my spirit, cleansing my cells, promoting the healing and giving me whatever lesson this was intended to provide.

One of the highlights of the solution is the treatments I am getting from Dr. Jimmy MacKimmie up in Eureka.
He has been referred to as an 'energy worker, faith healer, psychic healer, spiritual healer,' and maybe some other titles I won't go into. He has known since an early age that he is supposed to devote his life to healing. Now he is 80. He got early training and professional credentials as a chiropractor, and has studied under different mentors, angels, God, and is always learning from patients and life. He says he won't usually work with people on chemotherapy, but has made an exception in my case. I am so grateful. I can tell the chemo is very strong medicine and certainly is eliminating some of the good cells along with the bad. I am not sure what it is doing to my central nervous system and brain. There is a phenomenon I've heard referred to as "chemobrain." But, I do feel it is attacking the cancer cells.

I get to see Jimmy MacKimmie on Friday and my heart sings. Actually, my heart sung a lot of the time anyway. Someone told me that was because I am probably still in shock. I don't believe that. I have spent years in spiritual boot camp and feel as ready for this as I can be. I know I have work to do. Like get rid of some old resentments, follow the directions about diet, exercise, and prayer, and have an attitude of gratitude. I hear this from happy cancer survivors all over the place.

Some of you have sent cards and letters and emails, some have called, prayed, and many of you have thought about me in any number of ways. I want you to know I am getting it. It's zinging me right in the cancer zone as well as the heart and I appreciate it very very much. I have been hearing so many good stories of people's success in both recovering from and living with cancer. I see myself as another glowing example of recovery.

I've been having a lot of computer trouble. I got one of these dang machines and didn't read the directions. I'll get around to it now that I have some spare time, but, for the moment I'm handicapped. I am grateful to Bonnie and Greg for posting this note for me. I'm already past due for the next installment. I'll go ahead and get ahead of myself and let you know that I'm presently (May 18) on assignment for Jimmie MacKimmie in Basin, MT at the "Merry Widow Health Mine." It's both novel and amazing. I am enchanted and will try to distill the experience in another entry soon.

The next chemo treatment is May 28 in Seattle. I'll be in Basin until May 26th. Don't worry if you don't hear from me for awhile.

Hello my dear friends and loved ones (4/30/08)

Gratitude is a good place for me to start with my mass communication endeavor: to Greg Moul, my son-in-law for creating this blog, and to friends and family who check in for news updates and lend their voices to this beautiful chorus of support. I am enjoying the group effort this healing process is turning out to be.
Today I went to the University of Washington Hospital for the day and had a biopsy. The surgeon wanted to back up her opinion of what's going on in my belly with hard evidence...cells to examine. Bonnie and I spent the day, me lying on a cot and her in a semi comfortable chair chatting, napping, and watching a television movie. The procedure took about half an hour and the recovery room experience took four. I'm feeling just as well and whole this evening as I did before the procedure, and last week and last year. Cancer can be a quiet, unobtrusive batch of cells on the surface of things. This batch got my attention two years ago at which time I began making the rounds of physicians--from my family physician in Seattle, to the gynocologist, to the folks that bring us the colonoscopy--getting all the requisite tests. Ovarian cancer, it turns out, is difficult to diagnose. When the people in Seattle didn't satisfy me with an answer I checked in with Susan Cahill soon after I got to Montana in my retirement. She nailed it in short order. She confirmed her suspicions with a simple blood test called a CA-125. Something every woman should ask her doctor about. I don't know why it's such a well kept secret. It is THE diagnostic tool for ovarian cancer. (at least to my current understanding).
Having gotten this information, I've been following first Susan's advice, and now that of Barbara Goff, M.D. Dr. Goff is alleged to be one of the top surgeon's for ovarian cancer around. We certainly have confidence in her. After today's biopsy, Dr. Goff has plans for me to get a "port" through which the chemotherapy will be delivered. It's going to be like a little button just under the surface of the skin around the area of my what? clavicle? (between shoulder and breast). Then chemo therapy will begin at the earliest possible time thereafter. As the girls mentioned in one of their entries in the blog, Dr. Goff wants to try and eradicate the cancer that has metastisised (sp?)to my spleen with 3 chemo rounds 3 weeks apart and then do surgery to remove the rest. That will be followed up with another three rounds.
It all seems quite simple and straightforward to me. I'll just suit up and show up, just as I always have, for each day and follow the guidance of the people who know more about this than I do.
One of these guides is a "healer" up in Eureka, Montana who has already given me one of his treatments. I asked Dr. Goff to get another CA-125 test to see if the Eureka healer's (Jimmie MacKimmie) treatment and the follow-up he recommended has made any difference. Today I got the score of the recent test and the cancer numbers have been reduced by a couple of hundred: From 2,625 to 2,400 something...nearly 200 points. Normally, I would expect these cancer cells would be increasing not decreasing. Let's hear it for Jimmie MacKimmie!!! I'm hoping to do follow-up with Jimmie in the coming weeks and months. I'm grateful to him and all the other healers I have in my life. That includes you, my friends. Nothing is so healing as the unconditional love that's been coming in our direction, recently as well as over a long period of time.
One of us will get back to you with news as it happens. Hopefully there will be days when absolutely nothing is happening except life as we've been doing it all along. Life on life's terms.
Love,Barbara

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